


Soul Diver

by NightelfsLady



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Angst, BAMF!arthur, Dream Torture, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Psychological Torture, Songfic, self-destructive behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-23 18:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/625306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightelfsLady/pseuds/NightelfsLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur had taken a leap of faith expecting, no, trusting that Eames would catch him.../Songfic/</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soul Diver

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my second work in the Inception fandom and I'm really enjoying the ride up to this point ;)
> 
> Now, I wrote this a while agon when I was listening to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mrzyTS-wr8  
> And in my opinion it's a perfect fit for a little Inception-fic ;)
> 
> You will clearly stumble upon some mistakes and I'm very sorry for that, but I also hope you will enjoy this little piece! 
> 
> Please also note that I do not wish to trigger anyone by events taking place in this work of fiction!
> 
> enough now, ENJOY! :)

**_Soul diver_ **

****

No matter how you twist and turn it, it was you who started this. You, Eames. We both know that. I had fought falling for your tricks so hard that when this one moment had come, in which I let my guard down for a second, you were there waiting already.

It happened in Hamburg on a job. I was unguarded for a single moment brought on by the feeling of need as you stood so close that I could feel your heat. You sensed it, knowing me, always able to read the signs of my body and every little twitch and pull of muscle. You know me better than anyone else.

I shuddered at the contact when I felt your hand brush against my side, sliding over tensed cloth-covered skin. You did not even say anything.

I had turned in your grasp a bit, looking into your eyes and opened my mouth for a single question. Instead of letting me speak you just pulled me closer, caged me in your strong arms and kissed me.

I had been fighting you for a long time, maybe I had grown tired of it and maybe you had known that even before I did.

You know me, Eames. Most of the time it scares me.

~

I should have seen it coming, right?

It was as if now that I had begun to open myself up for you, it was not enough or good anymore. You sometimes had that look on your face, as if you were in pain. Like you were trapped. It was frustrating because for every step that I took towards you, you took two steps back and away from me.

A painful kind of dance if you ask me.

Why bother, Eames? Why searching me out, working down my wall brick by brick and then retreat once the work has been done?

Was that it? A project?

How did I turn into this person? Blindly trusting you and throwing all caution away.

I had taken a leap of faith,  expecting to be caught  only to find nothing below but an endless abyss.

****

**_Nevermind_ **

**_You just hurt someone you cared for_ **

 

You left me in London. Which is actually ironic since you had taken me into your home, lived there with me for a few weeks, only to let me wake up to a cold bed one morning. It is absolutely pathetic, because I clearly remember that I had told you I loved you that night in our bed. You had never said it back, but you kissed me with an intensity that left me breathless and took away any other thought.

I was pathetic having let myself fall for you in the first place. So when I woke up and you were gone, I just knew you would not be coming back. I just knew and for the first time in my life I just felt numb.

 

**_You and I_ **

**_Separate lives, I know_ **

****

You and I would have never worked out anyway. That is what I told myself when I sat in a plane to Hokkaido a few days later. It is useless to mention why I only left then. But maybe pathetic, little Arthur had waited in that house, thinking “ _Maybe he will come back today_.”

Eames, you did not come back. Why?

Now I know. You and I, we are too different. We are like an eclipse, not meant to last.

 

**_Still I spy_ **

**_Though I know that it is over_ **

 

I was the best Point Man, maybe I still would be… so it was not hard for me to vanish off the radar as soon as Cobb started noticing things and asked questions. I had vanished for months before, but I had always let myself be found by you, Eames. This time I just could not let you. I did not even know whether you were even looking for me or not. But a part of me liked to think that you were just as accustomed to keep track of me as I was of you. There was never a day, a second, I did not know where you were.

Liverpool, Tokyo, L.A, Barcelona…Mombasa… Moscow.

 

**_Nevermind_ **

**_This is how it’s going to feel_ **

 

A few months, or it might even have been a year after London, I finally seemed to accept it. I would never see you the way you let me all those times when it was just us.

Actually, I accepted it for a mere day until something in me finally cracked …

 

**_Change your mind_ **

**_Act unpredictable_ **

****

I finally wondered what had made you leave me. And it is stupid, really, because it was just so unlike me to only consider the facts at that point of time. It had showed me how far I had gone from being my old self.

I changed. I let go. I became someone else, someone who did not care about risks. I sometimes wonder if I even considered them.

 

**_It’s effective, believe me_ **

****

_So_ effective. Seeking out trouble and confrontation where I normally would have evaded it. It was a thrill and an enormous rush of adrenaline. I could not believe how I had ever let myself miss that.

So I had changed. I -

****

**_I took control_ **

**_Felt the power_ **

 

Things got rougher with every new job, but it was never enough. Every new bruise was accepted with open arms; so was every cut, every broken bone and every concussion. It was exhilarating and addictive. I did not care about the rumors spread throughout Dream share-society. I did not care. If anything I played rougher than ever, fuck the consequences.

_“Did you hear the new nickname of that Point Man?...they call him Madman now.”_

_“That’s not really creative, isn’t it?”_

_“Right, but you gotta see him, man. He went fucking nuts on that Taipei job.”_

 

****

**_Enjoyed the pain_ **

**_Pandorus_ **

 

It was getting too rough, I knew that. But I found myself unable to stop by that point. Especially when I had noticed that you started following me. I never saw you, but every time I checked your location I found it so close to mine that it just made me go rougher and rougher. One night, I even started a fight in a bar with 4 guys your size knowing perfectly how that would end. I did not fight back with all I had, Eames.

Maybe it was because of that voice in my head that used to say: “ _Maybe he will come for you if he sees you like this. He is here because of you. He’s watching you.”_

It should not have surprised me that I was gone too far down the rabbit hole to get out there by myself. Just like Pandorus I had brought this on myself, I was at fault…you are not the one  to be blamed, Eames. You were the cause, but I did this to myself.

 

**_Nevermind_ **

 

The job in Moscow ended badly. I had gone too far, I had not been careful. Pissed off the wrong people along the way.

They got me before I could get away. They got me good.

 

**_I just hurt someone I cared for_ **

****

I woke up in darkness. They had brought me somewhere after hooking me up to the PASIV, torturing me years’ worth in dreams.

 _“Pain is in the mind, isn’t it, Arthur?”_ , one of the men had said as he shot off my fingers, one by one until only an angrily bleeding red stump was left. It is true. So, _so_ true, Eames.

I did dream of you that first night. You were in Moscow in the hotel room I had stayed in during the job. You stood there in midst of the wreckage those guys had left when they took me. You saw the blood on the floor, somehow knowing that it was not mine; that I had taken down some guy before they could take me. You were pale as you stood there, hands clenched into tight fists around that one thing that was left of me in that room.

A tiny red die.

Eames, tell me, is this darkness real?

 

**_You and I, forever lost_ **

 

 

~~

I knew something was wrong when I found out that you took the job in Moscow. I did not need those rumors about you to know that your course of self-destruction had reached another level.  I had followed you like a shadow for months now, but even though you had changed I was sure that you knew I was there anyway. I did not let myself get too close to you, I never let you see me. It left me with guilt gnawing at my conscience and I knew that I deserved that. But you did not, Arthur.

At first I did not understand what you were doing, because it was not like you to throw all precaution away and dive into jobs head first.  And when I finally got it, it was too late.

 

**_When the hurting starts_ **

**_When the feeling stops   -we die_ **

 

London hung over my head, was heavy on my shoulders. 

I told myself that I had let myself get too close to you, that I changed you too much. I had forced you open, left you bare. You were so raw, revealing your inner core to me that it scared me.

You said you loved me and at that moment I finally let myself realize that I loved you too.

But I was so bloody scared.

I left and never came back.

 

**_Yet summer comes_ **

**_No matter what I say_ **

 

I watched you, as you watched me, even when you vanished from the radar. You made it quite hard for me to track you, darling. It usually was not this difficult, but maybe this time you did not want me to find you.

But I could not help it. I knew that I had hurt you and that I should leave you be. Yet I watched over you from afar, never really losing focus on you.

In the end I cannot even justify why I left and stayed away. There is no reason I could give to make it right anyway. I can only reveal myself as the coward that I am in the end.

But being a coward did not stop me from looking for you when I found your hotel room empty and wrecked.

Blood that could not be yours; you must have taken down one of your assailants.

It was my blood that ran cold when I spotted that tiny red little object on the floor.

My hand clenched around it painfully, taking in the edges and the weight that must be so familiar to you.

Your totem, Arthur.

 

~~

****

**_When the hurting starts_ **

 

There are new shapes in the darkness, cowering in non-existent corners, drawing nearer and nearer, whispering and hissing. He is not sure how he got here and if the pain he feels is in his body or only in his mind. But he remember that they had drowned him this time, over and over… he wonders what they will do to him later. The pain is a constant threat coursing through his conscience now.

 

**_When the feeling stops_ **

 

Hope is the last thread of reality which they cut. He cannot find his totem. The darkness and the pain slowly blend together, no matter how hard Arthur is trying to keep them apart. They had starved him to death for years this time, then they had buried him alive and then they had locked him up in a room that was full of screams, tortured and anguished. Arthur had started screaming with them after two weeks, then he was finally back in the darkness. It was the only comfort they left him.

 

**_Will you care for me?_ **

 

He wonders what it will take to ever see Eames again. Sometimes he thinks he hears his voice in the darkness, calling him. That one time Arthur screams his name.

 

 

Suddenly there is light. It is piercing and it hurts, but he cannot move, cannot close his eyes. There is a voice too, but he just feels so numb, so tired.

 

**_Soul diver…Trading life for an identity_ **

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**_Nevermind_ **

****

He is in Eames’ arms, limp, eyes unseeing. Eames is shaking him, screaming his name.

 

**_You and I_ **

 

A smile tugs on Arthur’s lips, but it’s the only spark of life left next to the dull beating of his heart and the slow rising of his chest.

 

**_Believe me…_ **

 

Believe what? There is that voice, always Eames’.

He is in London, in a bed..above him is Eames. He is looking down at him, speaking and caressing his cheek softly.

Believe what, Eames?

_“Believe me, this is real, darling. **I am real** , please..”_

This Eames is kissing him, desperate and pleading.

Then he is pressing a small red die in Arthur’s right hand, closing his own over Arthur’s to let the tiny object dig into flesh.

 

**_Believe me…_ **

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this!  
> Please leave some responses! :)


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